2020

When this year started, my mantra was all about manifesting how I wanted this year to go. It was going to be "the BEST year of my life," I would say over and over again. I had never felt so happy, so driven, so motivated, so ready to take on whatever life planned to throw at me and I was seriously crushing goals left and right. Then, all of a sudden, reality hit. I know this might sound freaking crazy, but the death of Kobe Bryant actually turned my world upside down. It wasn't just because I looked up to him as an athlete, it was because for the first time in my life I truly realized just how PRECIOUS this life is. How everything can be taken from you in an instant.

I remember the instant I found out. I was sitting in church, and had just finished the best worship service ever. I was filled with so much joy and so beyond happy to be in church that day because I was also about to get baptized following the service, which was a huge step for me that anyone that knows me.

I remember hearing the news in the middle of the service and saying, "No, there's no way. This is fake news." Sadly, it wasn't fake news at all. It was very real and it was one of the most tragic death stories I have heard in my 22 years of life. How could Kobe Bryant AND his 13 year old daughter AND 7 other victims lose their lives in a helicopter accident on a simple Sunday morning? I could not wrap my brain around it, it just didn't seem right.

The message my pastor spoke that day was all about how it is not the duration of your life that matters, but the donation of your life that matters. This hit me hard. Kobe was well-known all around the world, and he wasn't just known for being one of the greatest athletes of all time. He was known for so much more. He was known for his mamba mentality, how he helped the youth, how great of a girl dad he was, how active he was in the church, the list literally goes on and on. He was changing the world in so many different ways, and I am 100% sure that all the other victims of that helicopter ride were making an impact in this world as well. So why did God bring them home in such a way? It just didn't quite make sense to me.

I struggled with this a lot. As someone who was just starting to build my faith, it was so hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that God had just taken so many lives in such a quick instant and absolutely rattle the whole world. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't angry at Him, just confused. As Christians, we are told to always trust in His plan and at the time, I just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel quite yet. I remember saying to my friends, "if God could take someone away from this world like Kobe Bryant, imagine what He can take away from us."

Fast forward to today, April 11, 2020, the day before Easter, and we are literally in the middle of a freaking global pandemic, something none of us have ever experienced in our lifetime. Our entire country is being told to "shelter in place, wash your hands, flatten the curve." We have lost almost everything, our job's, the sports we love, school, the ability to go out with out the fear of catching or spreading a disease, and so much more. "Why does 2020 suck so bad?" everyone keeps saying. But the way I see it, this year truly does not "suck" at all. It finally all just clicked for me. I finally realized exactly what God is trying to show us.

Think about it for just a sec, God is trying to teach us all some sort of lesson. THIS is a part of HIS PLAN. He wants to show us that life is not all about money, success, sports, work, and all of those materialistic things. It is about living in the moment, appreciating EVERY blessing He has given you, whether they are big or small, and loving, praising, and trusting Him in every moment, especially the ones of uncertainty.

Before this time, I was struggling with my faith. I was feeling so down, so tested, and really did not know how I was going to find my way back to the track I was on before. I was reversing the cycle of growth I had started at the beginning of the year and falling back into old habits. But since losing everything that I thought was important to me, I have figured out what is TRULY important to me.

This time has truly been a blessing and each day that passes, I see it more and more. Of course I can't wait for things to get back to "normal" eventually. However, I am truly taking advantage of this time as much as possible. I am building my relationship with Him and working on taking care of myself mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I am spending quality time with friends and family, whether it's in person or virtually. I have begun new and better habits and thrown out the old, bad ones. I have started MANIFESTING again (if you haven't tried that shit do it, it works) and I know that when this pandemic is over and we go back to our "old lives" that I will actually be living a brand new and better life.

I guess with all of this, what I am trying to say is that 2020 may be off to a "bad" start, but this is only the beginning. It is the beginning of so many things, so many great things and so many great changes. We should all come out of this time better people. This is a time to be taken advantage of. God has actually given us a huge blessing. We should appreciate the little things and understand that God has a greater plan for us and it is better than we could possibly imagine. So, trust Him, stay faithful, and don't let the fear of the unknown run your life.